


nightmare (will i wake up)

by rikotan



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, dokkiri angst, it's a happy end don't worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2019-02-23 00:37:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13178616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rikotan/pseuds/rikotan
Summary: because someone thought it was a good idea to pull a dokkiri on yamada that yuto is leaving hsj.(it isn't)





	nightmare (will i wake up)

**Author's Note:**

> this birthed because of the dokkiri angst and i was all "WHO DARE TO DO THIS, but this is really fic worthy".  
> thanks micchan for being a fic enabler and niña, ganba on your rendition of this incident ( _it is gonna be better than this thing i swear_ )
> 
> this is going to be the last fic of the year, i wish all of you a happy new year! enjoy your holidays~
> 
> rusty af, not beta'd, though it's passed through MSWords.

_‘This is a bad idea.’_

 

That’s the first thought that ran through everyone’s mind when Yuto revealed to everyone about the content of the prank that they were about to pull on Yamada. They are right in front of the camera, but being professional idols, their discomfort is all hidden behind their smiles.

 

What’s more, they all know that Yuto is probably the one that is the most uncomfortable with it.

 

“I’m going to prank him that …” Yuto pauses for a while, eyes looking at Yabu with a pleading look even though he knows that the older man wouldn’t be able to help him.

 

“That I’m leaving JUMP.”

 

Snickers and laughter can be heard from everyone, but it doesn’t change the fact that this is a bad idea of a joke. No one knows what is the purpose of this prank, seeing that Yamada probably has no doubt the most love for the whole group, even if they love the group as well.

 

When the camera stopped rolling, Yuto’s smile drops immediately as he brings his hand up to his forehead, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Make sure no one burns the script or deletes the e-mail we got just in case he decides to breaks up with me.”

 

Keito gives him a sympathetic pat on his shoulder. “It’ll be fine.”

 

Shaking his head, Yuto weakly smiles at the rest of the members.

 

“It wouldn’t be. This isn’t something that can be joked about with him.”

 

* * *

 

He didn’t know how to react when he heard those words coming out from Yuto’s mouth. It’s like he understands each word by itself, but when they are strung up into a sentence, suddenly, everything doesn’t make any sense.

 

If anyone asks Yamada how would he describe the end of the world, he will answer, “This.”

 

He knew something was wrong, with the expression of all the members. Even more so when the staff said that Yuto had something to announce. From everyone’s expression, Yamada had an inkling that everyone else already knew what Yuto is about to say, and it just doesn’t sit well with him. It isn’t like he expects to be the first person that Yuto will approach to discuss things _(of course, if he can do anything about it, Yamada would want to be the first person Yuto come to when he’s stuck with making a decision)_. Yamada knows that there are things that Yuto doesn’t want him to know.

 

And that is fine. _(Who doesn’t have secrets?)_

 

But he doesn’t expect himself to be the last to know about _this_.

 

“I’m want to leave JUMP.”

 

If words can materialise, that sentence that came out from Yuto’s mouth would be in the shape of a knife – sharp and lethal – carving deep into Yamada’s heart.

 

_‘Is this how he felt when I told him that I want to leave before?’_ Yamada thought about the time when he wanted to quit Johnny’s. When everything was so much more innocent, where they were just rivals and good friends.

 

_(But that’s not what they are anymore. They are in a group. They have to be responsible for the group, for their fans._

 

_And most importantly – at least for Yamada – they are now more than friends._

 

_Lovers._

 

_Is this a one-sided thing after all?)_

 

He can’t be sure this is what Yuto felt back in those days, but Yamada feels that this pain he’s feeling is more painful than any injury he has ever sustained. He can almost be sure that his heart has been torn out of his chest, before it is being crushed right in front of him as it beats.

 

He lets out a small choking sound, so small that only those sitting beside him can hear _(a sound that Yuto noticed)_.

 

Blinking a few times, Yamada tries to hold back the tears that are threatening to spill out from his eyes. _‘You can’t be selfish. It’s to follow his dreams.’_ Yamada thought. He fiddled his thumb under the table as he stared down at it.

 

“If one person left, it wouldn’t be Hey! Say! JUMP anymore.” Yamada pauses for a while as he swallows his urge to cry. “It’s because of these members that we are Hey! Say! JUMP, all nine of us as one.”

 

The room is quiet as all the rest of them listens to him speak. Yamada doesn’t know what else to say to let Yuto stay, but he tries. “As compared to chasing your dreams alone, wouldn’t it be more fun to chase it together as nine people?”

 

_(“Wouldn’t it be more fun to chase your dreams with me?” Is something that Yamada didn’t voice out loud. He wasn’t sure if Yuto would want him by his side anymore.)_

 

He bites his lips, a sign that he’s nervous about what’s to come.

 

Nothing came out.

 

They just left the conversation as that, and Yuto didn’t say that he’s going to change his mind.

 

_‘The end of the world came five years late,’_ was what Yamada thought.

 

* * *

 

They’ve not talked for a week.

 

It’s something that hasn’t happened ever since they’ve sorted out the rivalry tension between them and gotten together after all those years of cold war. It is also something that the rest of the members didn’t want to face again after years of experiencing the tension between them _(and this time, it’s worst since it’s no longer just rivalry but also a fight between lovers)_.

 

Through the week, they have been meeting up for work. It’s not like they don’t share a single word with each other, but Yamada doesn’t speak to Yuto unless it is related to work. Yuto could use his fingers to count the number of times they’ve talked during the week, and he would still have fingers to spare.

 

He hopes that the staff that thought about how this will be a great idea would have a tummy upset for at least a week and that the staff would be at an outdoor shoot when it happens.

 

“Hey! Say! JUMP, you are up next!” A knock on the door of their dressing room signals that they are about to go up onto the stage. Best Artist is a live show, and even if the atmosphere between the members are tensed in the dressing room _(especially between Yuto and Yamada)_ , they are still professional idols and the show must go on.

 

Walking up onto the stage with a heavy heart, Yamada doesn’t remember how he managed to put up a smile _(maybe it is muscle memory, a subconscious habit to put up a mask)_.

 

The whole segment went pass like a whirlwind, and Yamada still couldn’t comprehend what is happening even when they are on standby.

 

A clip was shown with the rest of the members crowding around as they shared and giggled about how they are pulling a dokkiri on him. He can feel his heart skip a beat, his breath hitching.

 

Watching the whole scene right before his eyes again and learning about this on a LIVE show isn’t something that Yamada is prepared for.

 

“I really have no idea that it was a prank up until now. I don’t even know what kind of face I should show right now.” Yamada is flustered and relieved when Sakurai asked him how he felt. And when the question turned to Yuto, he was glad that the man felt bad for lying about it.

 

_(So, it pained him as much as it pained me.)_

 

Yamada thinks that words are not enough to explain how relief that Yuto isn’t leaving Hey! Say! JUMP. “So, you are not going to leave right?”

 

Looking straight into Yamada’s eyes, Yuto replies. “I’m not leaving.”

 

At that moment, he can feel his eyes brimming with tears that he shouldn’t be shedding on a LIVE show.

 

“I’m really sorry for lying to you.” It’s said in a joking voice, as Yuto puts an arm around his shoulder.

 

_(He understands that it is his way of apologising for what he did. And as much as he is angry, he can’t help but forgive Yuto for what he did._

 

_Both of them knew that it is work. Which is why Yuto did it in the first place, and didn’t tell him beforehand._

 

_And this is also why Yamada is willing to forgive him.)_

 

“I really don’t know what kind of feeling I should have when singing later.” Yamada lets out a breath, tone joking as he feels the constant pressure on his shoulder as Yuto pats him.

 

The hosts apologises as they are called to go on standby, and all the while, Yuto has his arm around Yamada, and it becomes a comforting pressure.

 

A reminder that Yuto really isn’t leaving the group.

 

He allows himself to be pulled into a hug by Yuto, allowing himself to cling a little on the younger’s arm on a LIVE show before laughing and pushing him away.

 

_(But both of them knows that they are equally glad that this is over)._  

 

* * *

 

“You should be sleeping on the floor, Nakajima.” Yamada scoffs, even though he is snuggling back into Yuto’s embrace. His voice is muffled as he tries to decrease the distance between them.

 

Yuto hums, “I should, but I can’t leave my boyfriend alone.”

 

“Too late, Nakajima. You left me alone for a week.”

 

“It was for work!” Yuto whines as he caresses the back of Yamada. “It was really a bad idea.”

 

He feels a nod against his chest. “It really is.”

 

“Don’t leave?”

 

Placing a kiss on top of Yamada’s head, Yuto pulls him closer.

 

“Never.”

**Author's Note:**

> a/n: i'm sorry for this. i haven't written for the longest time and it was probably going to be longer than this but i forgot what i wanted to write but it was something of this gist. i'll try to work on writing again soon!
> 
> last fic of the year, so happy new year! 
> 
> please leave a kudos or comment if you liked this!
> 
> alternatively you can catch me at [Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/basashichigo)
> 
> it will also mean a lot if you can [Buy Me a Coffee](https://ko-fi.com/rikotan) ♥


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